still holding on 🐙 [ ramblings #3]

hello everyone!
i thought i needed to update again about how im doing in form 6 after 2 months since the one month holiday. although nothing special has happened? i just thought i needed to keep a track of how im doing these past few months in this blog.

after the one month holiday,the next month we had our first trials which i totally flunked. i do study and remember quite a few things but still,i still can't get familiar towards some questions and how to answer. im very dissappointed but it'll just encourage me to do EVEN better and aim higher for my first semester. because if i would to pass my trials with good results, i might take it a little too easy because i'm a person who gets easily overwhelmed over good results.

im going to have my one week holiday after this which totally means i have to buck up all of the things that i have to study. to be honest,i havent been studying besides doing homework (which has very little amount) and i find myself procrastinating a lot after the trials. maybe its just my brain has totally shut down after the trials. but still,i really have to go all out during the holiday after completing the homeworks i've been given in a span of maybe 3 or 2 days and have one week of my holiday by studying and do some revisions.

i really hate the fact that i have so much time but i dont spend it by endlessly studying,it bothers me so much eversince i had my SPM. i hate knowing the fact that im not working as hard as i could be and as everybody else is.

so im getting a lot of books to read to expand my vocabs even more and a lot of memorizing to do!

this will be the end of this entry.
thank you for reading! 🌹💓

flashing back old memories [ rambling #2 ]

hello everyone!

i have finished watching Whisper Of The Heart (1995) and its really good! i really love it~
i suddenly have an idea on what to update but i'm still going to categorized this entry as a rambling.

anyways,have your 13 year old self ever just look around and how are things going to change in some way? your friends changing (either good or bad),the places around you.your thoughts and your attitude seems to be changing every year as you grow up?

i have just come to realize that when i was around 13-16,i have never come to appreciate the things going around me. i have realized that when i was that age,i never thought of feeling like "what if all the things around me change" or "what would i be doing now if i were 18". i always thought as if i don't have time to think about how my future self in 4 years would behave/be like because i felt like i still have a long way to come.

now that i'm 18,i have major realization to things happening around me. usually,i'm really good at ignoring the things around me and just studied myself off.  i appreciate the things around me a lot more and the friends that i'm with now. i'm also currently trying to stay positive as much as i can and trying to strive for the better,when i struggle a lot that's when i realized how much your support system matter. even if you've got a big or small support system or even you don't know if someone is actually supporting you,i put it in this way - ; everyone else is struggling even if they've got their favorite subjects to study.  maybe there are students out there studying their favorite subjects at their favorite university but they are still missing their homes and wish they could be back aand have a chit chat with their family,or even missing their pets and wanting to pet them.

honestly,i feel like the ramblings section might have just be me struggling about school. i'm just going to keep it that way to keep my mind off of things.

this will be the end of today's entry for ramblings. have a great day to whoever you are in the world.

feeling down. [rambling #1]

hello everyone!
i seriously forgot the way i blog and originally i really wanted this blog to be a more formal blog as in trying to sound professional but i kind of failed at it knowing that the purpose of this blog might just be me rambling about stuffs? i will keep it formal if i have important entries such as activities i had at school or anything important happened in my life (the chances of this happening is very low because of me trying to stay lowkey of my life at the moment)

i find myself frequently feeling down after continuing my studies to Form 6 which is to sit for STPM by the end of next year. we've been told that we should be physically and mentally strong,which i ignored the fact that i INDEED needed that because im the type of person who can easily ignore and distract my focus to another things. i successfully did that the whole time i was in middle school but i dont know? now?it kind of breaks me apart each day and i don't know what to do about it. i can either have 2 moods or just nothing at all ; which is to be sad about school or feeling happy about nothing at all.

but when i get further into my thoughts,i thought i was being sad and weak the whole time about school but its just nothing at all. im not really the type to get frustrated about studying,i really like studying especially now that im introduced to 5 new subjects and i try to do my best to improve myself. activities at school? yes im afraid i get very tired and i just have a very strong dislike of doing activities (beside studying) at school. that reason alone doesn't prove much of why i still get sad about school everyday. classmates? i just know for a fact that we're all struggling.

which is why i like studying or doing anything else that distracts me from focusing on myself. yes,taking care of myself is important but when i get indulged into myself,sometimes i notice my flaws that i dont even want to discover of. i thought it was absurd of people who say "i like keeping myself busy" when i was in middle school because who likes keeping themselves busy? isn't it tiring? but as i age now,i realize being busy really does distracts me from being sad or noticing the reality that im facing.

i guess that's all for the rambling for this entry? im going to sleep early (than usual) to get ready for the long day tomorrow. have a great day for you who took time to read this unnecessary rambling of mine!! (•́ᴗ•̀)♡

2018!

Hello everyone!
As usual,I always update at 2-3 in the morning because like everyone,our minds get crazily productive at times like this. So! I know its 3 months late but Happy New year! It's almost like a tradition to always wish a late happy New year on this blog ><

Anyways,I have also received my results for my SPM which is on 15.3,it was definitely nerve wrecking. All I could say about my results is that,its acceptable (for me at least). I did well,I can't say the effort was really paying off because it seemed like a miracle. I don't put a lot of effort on my Addmaths,trust me,I've never passed my Addmaths eversince I've been introduce to the subject and dealing with it for 2 years. It goes the same with Chemistry,I never really understood Chemistry *_* and miracle did happened,I passed both of the subjects on SPM. I pat myself a LOT of times for being able to comprehend the 2 years of absolute blank on the subjects because I really thought I could do it and pursue my "ideal" career which I realized that it wasn't what I wanted to pursue after all (・_・)

What I actually want to pursue?
I'd like to keep it as a secret. I've only told my plans to my closest friends and my parents. Staying lowkey at things really makes you feel good because at the end people will be highkey surprised when they see you achieve things when they don't expect you to be (´ ω `). Also I really like changing my plans very last minute sometimes I don't end up achieving or trying hard to achieve my goals when I tell everyone what I'd like to have (・_・)

Eversince I realized that I'm 18 very soon,it hits me that I should act and think maturely. I still get petty over things that I shouldn't fret about,it gets very annoying sometimes. I don't promise to actually change my mind to thinking positively and act more maturely in a matter of seconds but it'll take maybe just slowly change to be positive and avoid all the negatives in my life.

The season of burying my nose in books and staying up all night to finish my assignments might come very soon and definitely I'm very scared of that (˚ ˃̣̣̥Д˂̣̣̥ ). But I really hope that things go very well this year. Here's for a year that introduces me a lot of things new,new friends,new places or new things to learn! ୧( ❛ᴗ❛ )୨