feeling down. [rambling #1]

hello everyone!
i seriously forgot the way i blog and originally i really wanted this blog to be a more formal blog as in trying to sound professional but i kind of failed at it knowing that the purpose of this blog might just be me rambling about stuffs? i will keep it formal if i have important entries such as activities i had at school or anything important happened in my life (the chances of this happening is very low because of me trying to stay lowkey of my life at the moment)

i find myself frequently feeling down after continuing my studies to Form 6 which is to sit for STPM by the end of next year. we've been told that we should be physically and mentally strong,which i ignored the fact that i INDEED needed that because im the type of person who can easily ignore and distract my focus to another things. i successfully did that the whole time i was in middle school but i dont know? now?it kind of breaks me apart each day and i don't know what to do about it. i can either have 2 moods or just nothing at all ; which is to be sad about school or feeling happy about nothing at all.

but when i get further into my thoughts,i thought i was being sad and weak the whole time about school but its just nothing at all. im not really the type to get frustrated about studying,i really like studying especially now that im introduced to 5 new subjects and i try to do my best to improve myself. activities at school? yes im afraid i get very tired and i just have a very strong dislike of doing activities (beside studying) at school. that reason alone doesn't prove much of why i still get sad about school everyday. classmates? i just know for a fact that we're all struggling.

which is why i like studying or doing anything else that distracts me from focusing on myself. yes,taking care of myself is important but when i get indulged into myself,sometimes i notice my flaws that i dont even want to discover of. i thought it was absurd of people who say "i like keeping myself busy" when i was in middle school because who likes keeping themselves busy? isn't it tiring? but as i age now,i realize being busy really does distracts me from being sad or noticing the reality that im facing.

i guess that's all for the rambling for this entry? im going to sleep early (than usual) to get ready for the long day tomorrow. have a great day for you who took time to read this unnecessary rambling of mine!! (•́ᴗ•̀)♡