flashing back old memories [ rambling #2 ]

hello everyone!

i have finished watching Whisper Of The Heart (1995) and its really good! i really love it~
i suddenly have an idea on what to update but i'm still going to categorized this entry as a rambling.

anyways,have your 13 year old self ever just look around and how are things going to change in some way? your friends changing (either good or bad),the places around you.your thoughts and your attitude seems to be changing every year as you grow up?

i have just come to realize that when i was around 13-16,i have never come to appreciate the things going around me. i have realized that when i was that age,i never thought of feeling like "what if all the things around me change" or "what would i be doing now if i were 18". i always thought as if i don't have time to think about how my future self in 4 years would behave/be like because i felt like i still have a long way to come.

now that i'm 18,i have major realization to things happening around me. usually,i'm really good at ignoring the things around me and just studied myself off.  i appreciate the things around me a lot more and the friends that i'm with now. i'm also currently trying to stay positive as much as i can and trying to strive for the better,when i struggle a lot that's when i realized how much your support system matter. even if you've got a big or small support system or even you don't know if someone is actually supporting you,i put it in this way - ; everyone else is struggling even if they've got their favorite subjects to study.  maybe there are students out there studying their favorite subjects at their favorite university but they are still missing their homes and wish they could be back aand have a chit chat with their family,or even missing their pets and wanting to pet them.

honestly,i feel like the ramblings section might have just be me struggling about school. i'm just going to keep it that way to keep my mind off of things.

this will be the end of today's entry for ramblings. have a great day to whoever you are in the world.

feeling down. [rambling #1]

hello everyone!
i seriously forgot the way i blog and originally i really wanted this blog to be a more formal blog as in trying to sound professional but i kind of failed at it knowing that the purpose of this blog might just be me rambling about stuffs? i will keep it formal if i have important entries such as activities i had at school or anything important happened in my life (the chances of this happening is very low because of me trying to stay lowkey of my life at the moment)

i find myself frequently feeling down after continuing my studies to Form 6 which is to sit for STPM by the end of next year. we've been told that we should be physically and mentally strong,which i ignored the fact that i INDEED needed that because im the type of person who can easily ignore and distract my focus to another things. i successfully did that the whole time i was in middle school but i dont know? now?it kind of breaks me apart each day and i don't know what to do about it. i can either have 2 moods or just nothing at all ; which is to be sad about school or feeling happy about nothing at all.

but when i get further into my thoughts,i thought i was being sad and weak the whole time about school but its just nothing at all. im not really the type to get frustrated about studying,i really like studying especially now that im introduced to 5 new subjects and i try to do my best to improve myself. activities at school? yes im afraid i get very tired and i just have a very strong dislike of doing activities (beside studying) at school. that reason alone doesn't prove much of why i still get sad about school everyday. classmates? i just know for a fact that we're all struggling.

which is why i like studying or doing anything else that distracts me from focusing on myself. yes,taking care of myself is important but when i get indulged into myself,sometimes i notice my flaws that i dont even want to discover of. i thought it was absurd of people who say "i like keeping myself busy" when i was in middle school because who likes keeping themselves busy? isn't it tiring? but as i age now,i realize being busy really does distracts me from being sad or noticing the reality that im facing.

i guess that's all for the rambling for this entry? im going to sleep early (than usual) to get ready for the long day tomorrow. have a great day for you who took time to read this unnecessary rambling of mine!! (•́ᴗ•̀)♡